Recently on TicTok I saw a debate about how men were upset that women didn’t “need” them in their life, that men want to be needed (I guess as validation?). These men were not understanding that more and more women are self sufficient not necessarily because they wanted to be but because they’ve had to. In the process of learning to “fend ro themselves, women no longer need a man to provide for them but because they WANTED a man for long term companionship. Because of the misunderstanding, the men “felt” disposable so why even try with women.
So thank you future husband for understanding the difference between you being needed in my life and me wanting you in my life.
Needing = desperation
Wanting = appreciation and desire
I have felt like I needed a man before. Felt (and was made to feel) like I wasn’t a whole person because I didn’t have a man. I so wanted to be whole. I so wanted to be accepted. I was so desperate for someone to love me, provide for me, someone to protect me, someone to CHOOSE me that I did so many things that left me feeling emptier. I felt I needed a man so that all that was wrong in my world would “fall into place” and be right. This feeling of desperation was an energy suck and sent off the vibe of clingy-ness. My need for a man was so strong that in my search that I ignored red flags so could “snag” an emotionally unavailable man who SAID he loved me but showed me otherwise. I ignored those red flags because “he’s financially smart and loves his mom” instead of psychically aggressive. The relationship was toxic emotionally and mentally. I lost sight of who I was and sacrificed my strength and independence to make that relationship work. But out of necessity, I ended up having to fend for myself to survive.
Shortly after I had the courage to ask and receive a divorce, I learned that I didn’t need a man for love, provider-ship, protection, acceptance, security; that I was fully capable of all those things. I also learned that if I didn’t love MYSELF fully, no man would ever be able to love me in way that was healthy for a relationship to grow and blossom.
And over time I have learned what it is like to want a man.
I appreciate a man who has put in the work to heal old wounds, who aspires to be the best version of himself possible, who encourages and supports his mate to do the same. I desire a man who is willing to accept my love, accept me for who I AM (just as I love and accept him for who he is), who wants to work together for a most amazing journey TOGETHER. I WANT a man who is open-minded, curious about life. One who can communicate as an adult and knows when to suggest “let’s table this discussion for a moment until we’ve cooled off.”
And rather then “trying to change someone, inspire them to be the best version of themselves.”
Do you think there is a difference between NEEDING a spouse/significant other or WANTING a spouse/significant other?