For a long time I believed that before I could love myself, before I could exude self confidence from every part of my being, someone else (a man) had to “love me first”. Along came the hubs, who professed his love daily and filled my head with what our future had in store. Sure he did “lil things” to show his love. I thought we were happy and that things were falling into place. But then life happened, things began to slip due to lack of communication and unity, and the honeymoon was over. No longer was it about our future but his. The realization that I had misinformed myself about love, coupled with unfulfilled expectation of how marriage would turn out, hit me like a sledgehammer. I was miserable and felt unloved.
It’s ok to love yourself…
At first I was worried about who was going to ever love me if I divorced my husband. Who, like a robot, would tell me EVERYDAY they loved me? Somehow the light bulb went (FINALLY) on about who was going to love me. The person who is going to love me for me is the same person who has helped me through the hardest times of my life. Me, that’s who. After years of low self esteem/self worth the message finally went through my thick skull loud and clear. I AM NOT A BAD PERSON; EVEN IF I WERE I STILL DESERVE MY LOVE.
So it’s ok to love yourself, encouraged even. It’s detrimental to our well being that we learn to love ourselves wholly. Self love may not come easy. Some days will be harder than others. Self-awareness is key. Pre planned key words and mantras to keep us on the path of self love are VERY useful. For me, when I feel something “trigger” and the negative self-talk start, I simply state “stop”. Sometimes a simple stop doesn’t work and I have to repeat “I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful”. Find something that works for you.
Because If you don’t love yourself then who will?
I’m not willing to share with you why I’ve struggled with “self-love”, it really isn’t important. What is important is knowing that self-love is important. Each and everyone of us deserves to be love but I firmly believe it starts with us. We get back from the universe what we put into it. If we are hateful and disrespectful (especially to ourselves) that is what will be brought to us.
What we tell ourselves on a daily basis (moment by moment basis sometimes) is important. Whose the best person in the world you know? Whose that one someone you trust whole heartedly with your life, trust to always have your back? You should be answering “me me me”. Remind yourself EVERY day just how important you are and how worthy you are for great things; especially love.
Old habits die hard but they do die.
Returning to the dating world is proving to be a challenge that I’m questioning the need for. It’s been 13 years since I’ve last dated and 10 months since my divorce. Putting myself out there for others to consider has opened old wounds. I’ve already caught myself falling into my old thought process (“why am I not good enough for him? Why hasn’t he responded?”) and it’s only been three weeks “back on the scene”. But I realize my self worth. I know that I am deserving of what I am looking for. I just have to remind myself daily that it will take time and that there is no rush.
Turn “why am I not good enough” into “it’s ok that he isn’t interested, that’s his prerogative.” Turn “why hasn’t he responded” into “He’s got a life to live to; He’s idea timely responses differs from mine; or He’s shy as well and doesn’t want to seem to eager.” Just don’t wallow, settle, or lose your voice in the process.