Here it is five months since my last post; and another huge life change has struck.
In September I found out that my second mom had cancer. I was stunned beyond words. This was not what I had envisioned for us, her and I, two peas in a pod. We lost my father three and a half years before and had been enjoying our time. We’d reminisce, talk about the here and now, and watch hallmark movies each weekend I was home. In the beginning, right after dad died, I’d go home every other weekend. Then after my divorce I missed a few weekends and a holiday. Then back to every other weekend. At the beginning of 2017 I began to burn out on all the driving, plus I was looking to balance “life”. I realized I deserved love and the only way to find love (IMO) was to devote more energy to self improvement and looking for love. I scaled back to once a month. It was hard on her but she understood.
I will save you the details between September and December. Bottom line it was tough on both of us; mostly her. She was now having to rely on more help from her sisters and me. None of us minded, it’s what family should do and we did it with pride. In the end, because of the chemo, she developed chemo induced phenomena. It took an act of congress to get her to allow us to take her to the hospital. She died December 29th. Gratefully I got to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with her. Watching her, assisting best I could, telling her I loved her. I wish I would have thanked her for all she had done for me. You see, my first mom died of cancer too and she picked up where mom one left off.
I honestly did NOT think her death would hurt this bad. I had already lost two parents to cancer. I sincerely thought I would be immune to the pain. There is another huge hole in my heart that I’m not sure anyone will ever be able to fill. She was more than a mom. She was a mentor, confidant, best friend. She was ALWAYS happy to see me and my pups.
But anything is possible; someone may fill that huge hole.
I’m so grateful for the time I had with her. So grateful for the lessons she helped my through. Grateful for the love….